Hello there! At the time of writing, I am 31 weeks pregnant. It seems like not much has happened since my pregnancy announcement post, but I certainly look quite different! I’ve definitely “bumped” and we’re past the point where the baby is “viable” – which means that she/he would have good odds of surviving if born right now.
So here’s a bit of an update for those who are interested in Pip and my pregnancy, as well as a bonus section on what not to say to a pregnant person!
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Baking a baby in Brazil
As I said in the post about being pregnant, the health system in Brazil is free, even for non-Brazilians. It’s something that we’ve been very grateful for, as I’ve continued to receive prenatal care in Rio for the duration of my fieldwork. I’ve had three ultrasounds (more than I would have had in the same timeframe in the United Kingdom!) and seen a doctor / a nurse about once a month.
I’ve been visibly pregnant for several months now and I have to say that Brazilians tend to be very kind to pregnant ladies! I can remember on one occasion four or five people offering me their seat in the metro within a few minutes of each other. I’ve also been kindly “bullied” to the front of the queue for the loo. At the airport we were given great treatment by the Brazilian staff: seats together on a two-person row, priority boarding, priority through security, as well as turning a blind eye towards one of my heavier bags…
We’ve been back in the United Kingdom since the 4th of September and I’m now “booked into” the prenatal system here. We had a long appointment with two midwives this past week, where they took a lot of our details and medical history. I also have another “bonus” ultrasound scheduled for this week – as well as one sometime around 36 weeks. There’ll definitely be a lot of pictures of Pip even before she/he’s born!
Mood & support
Overall, *touch wood* the pregnancy hasn’t been too bad so far. I’ve definitely been more tired than usual and the amount of appointments / research that bringing a little human into the world seems to require has meant that other things haven’t happened exactly as planned. I might talk about my PhD research more specifically in another blog post, but suffice it to say that I would possibly have been more productive if I hadn’t been pregnant.
There was one interview that was particularly uncomfortable. I was experiencing quite a lot of back pain before even setting out from home. I spent about seven hours with the interviewee, feeling a bit “trapped” as they had picked me up and I didn’t want to be disrespectful to them. But at the same time all I wanted was to lie down and cuddle a hot water bottle (not that I had one anyway)!
I don’t think the pregnancy hormones have affected my mood too much. I do tear up quite easily these days, but then if I have a little cry (in the Waitrose toilets for example…) I’m over it quite quickly. I’m very grateful for the fiancé having been able to stay for most of my fieldwork. It was lovely to have someone to talk to and to help with food etc. I think the challenges and some of the slightly less-than-sexy aspects of pregnancy actually brought us closer together. Also, I’m not sure how I would have got my bags back to the United Kingdom without him. On the way to Brazil I had a backpack on the front and one on the back – slightly trickier with a baby bump…
Diet & nutrition
Speaking of food, the fiancé did most of the cooking. Though I did introduce a bit of experimenting a few months into the pregnancy / fieldwork by purchasing the Health Made Simple plan. It’s a meal plan put together by the No Meat Athlete team – which is mentioned quite a bit on this blog (for example in my going vegan guide and my resources page)! We started eating more wraps than we used to and also experimented with things like sauces made out of blended cashews.
I have also been reading the Vegan Pregnancy Survival Guide, which I highly recommend if you are pregnant and interested in nutrition (vegan or not!). I’ll be writing a “lessons learnt” blog post about the book, so do subscribe (if you’re not already) to make sure you get it!
I’ve been generally quite good with food during my second trimester (mostly craving juices and fruit), though I did have a few slip-ups in Brazil when I ate cheese. Since the 12th of September (when I received the How Not to Die Cookbook) though I’ve committed to being a bit more of a purist with the vegan diet, i.e. not “slipping up” with the occasional dairy product. Going to see The Game Changers last week has further reinforced my determination to stick to this lifestyle and share its benefits!
That doesn’t mean however that I’m only eating kale and lentils… Though that is what I do eat sometimes too! I’ve also been making the most of the vegan “naughty” food available in the United Kingdom, such as biscuits, “cheese” and vegan fish and chips, as well as the now infamous Greggs vegan sausage roll. The novelty of processed vegan food is wearing off a bit already, but I am grateful to have all these options available!
Exercise while pregnant
At the time of sharing the pregnancy announcement post, I was still running but I had put my race plans (e.g. the Rio marathon) on ice. I took a running break between late July and early September after having a post-run “funny turn”. I stopped at the Urca wall where the fiancé was enjoying a beer and quickly realised that my vision was blurry on one side. On our way back to the flat, it got worse and I wasn’t able to see oncoming people on my left side at all. I felt light-headed and quite weird. What got me really worried was when I started getting pins and needles in my left arm and my mouth, which meant that I was mumbling rather than speaking normally. I got quite scared that I was having some kind of stroke… But we decided to eat the dinner that the fiancé had prepared and somehow couscous fixed it! Which means it probably was something more akin to a migraine or low blood pressure.
In any case, I knew that I needed a letter from a doctor to fly back to the United Kingdom (turns out the airport staff didn’t ask to see it anyway), so I didn’t want to go see the doctor about it and then have this “complication” added to my record. I had also been experiencing a kind of cramp / “pulling” in my tummy area when I went running in Brazil before the “funny turn” so I decided to put running on hold until I got back to the United Kingdom. It was a bit strange for me, as running allows me to get fresh air and provides more satisfaction than a walk. I’ve also started identifying as a runner and it felt like it was being taken away from me.
The good news is that after that break, I’ve been taking baby steps back into running – following a run/walk to 5K plan and trying to keep my heart rate quite low – and it’s all going great! It’s quite strange to hold back when I know I can run faster and longer, but I’m super happy to not be experiencing any pain or any “funny turns” so far. I make sure I have a fruit and a biscuit straight afterwards just in case, ha!
I have been doing prenatal yoga throughout the pregnancy, which I would definitely recommend (just type “prenatal yoga” into YouTube and go from there!). I also started some pregnancy-specific strength training. I’m hoping that the combination of those forms of exercise will keep me healthy, help with aches and pains and make the birth slightly easier.
Things not to say to a pregnant person
It might be the lack of sleep or the pregnancy hormones, but some comments do start to grate a bit… A lot of these revolve around a woman’s body and her behaviour suddenly becoming “public property” available for comment by anyone and everyone as soon as she’s pregnant. Anyhoo, my objective here is to help, so I’ve provided some suggestions of things to say instead to pregnant people.
“Wow, you’re quite small / big” / any other comment about the person’s size
She is the size she is. Adding concerns that the baby isn’t growing enough or that she doesn’t look right is not helpful.
Try instead: “Pregnancy suits you!”
“What you just did is very dangerous for the baby”
This one happened to me when I was in a lot of pain during the marathon interview experience described above. The person I was interviewing told me several times that it was very dangerous for the baby that I had taken two paracetamols within a four hour window. This should seem obvious, but telling someone that what they’ve already done is bad is not particularly helpful, especially when that person is in quite a bit of pain. In any case, the baby is still kicking several weeks later so it can’t have been that terrible.
Try instead: unless you’re a health professional being consulted by the pregnant woman in question, focus on your own health-related decisions.
“Are you sure you should be eating chocolate / biscuits?”
For all you know, that could be the only thing she can stomach right now. Or she could have had a difficult first trimester and is only just recovering her appetite. In any case (unless you are being consulted as her nutritionist), she knows best and doesn’t need an extra dose of guilt!
Try instead: “Would you like the last biscuit / square of chocolate?”
“How’s work / the PhD going?”
Not well! I’m tired and my mind is buzzing with all the things I have to do for this little human, while trying to keep it together so that I look professional and prove that women can do whatever they set their mind to…
Try instead: “It must be challenging to balance work along with the demands of pregnancy, I’m impressed!”
“Ooh the baby will be here soon!”
While it’s lovely for people to be excited about a little one coming along, I feel like every time someone says this to me, I can visualise a long list of things I have yet to do / know / buy before the baby is born, which makes me feel quite anxious.
Try instead: “Is there any way I can help?”
“Make sure you rest now, as you won’t be able to later!”
Thanks genius for informing me that babies cry and that parenthood can involve lack of sleep, this is the first I hear of it. Many pregnant women would love to rest but: a) they have lots of things to do that no one else is going to do; b) they may wake up whether they need the rest or not. I’ve definitely been waking up after six-seven hours sleep on a regular basis, as well as waking up at least once during the night to go to the loo. I am privileged to be able to take naps during the daytime when I work from home, but not everyone has that option.
Try instead: “Is there any way I can help?”
“Don’t plan any work for after the baby comes, because you’ll only have time for her / because it’s not good for her to see you focused on a screen all day”
Well that’s great, but unless babies can write dissertations or run businesses, mothers might still have to do those things. There’s also a massive double standard here as I never hear anyone say the same thing to a father-to-be. I highly recommend this short article about society’s expectations of mothers. My favourite quote from it is: “there’s an expectation that women can work as if they don’t have children to care for, and parent as if they don’t have to work”.
Anyhoo, some women go back to work a few weeks after giving birth, like the prime minister of New Zealand, whereas some choose not to work after having children. In any case, it’s their choice and unless they ask for it, they don’t need your input to add to the mum guilt / imposter syndrome they may be experiencing.
Try this instead: support your friend / relative in her decision, even if it’s different from what you would do.
As a general rule…
Don’t give advice (unless you are asked for it of course!). The person you are talking to is probably overwhelmed enough with everything she has to do and think of to ensure her pregnancy flows smoothly and she’s prepared for the baby’s arrival.
Try instead: make her a hot drink, give her a hug and tell her she’s doing a great job.
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